Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
