He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
