You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
