i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
