don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
