I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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