shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
