Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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