Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
