Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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