this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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