remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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