oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
