I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
