Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My penis needs a shock collar
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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