i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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