Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
