god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
