my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
