Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
