Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
