Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
