Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
