connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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