Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just forgot I was standing up.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
