I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
