i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
