Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
