do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
