Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
