at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
