If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
they're like a gay fantastic four
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
