so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
