I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
