that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
