i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
