All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
