Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
