Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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