He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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