i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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