I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
