i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
