I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
