this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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