We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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