the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
