She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
