Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
