Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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