Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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