I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
